There's not much to say. I'm a girl, I live, I eat, I sleep.

Hate. Deep down inside, that's all I have left.

I hate the place I live.

I hate school.

I hate my life.

I hate me.

I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I have to drag myself out of bed to go to school, have to force myself to talk, have to force myself to eat. Everything is forced, smiles, laughter, normalcy.

One of my friends actually ran away, and that was the breaking point. I wish I'd had the guts to go with her. This place, it digs at my very being. Everyone's being. I can't openly admit I'm bisexual as it would get out and I'd be even more alone. I can't admit anything. I can't be who I want to be.

I shouldn't say I'm alone. That's selfish, I suppose. I have friends at school, but...they just don't feel like friends should. Perhaps it's just me. But none of them really 'get' me. The problem is, they think they do. And then I get pissed, but smile and say, "You're right, I AM like that." I think if I was the real me, I'd be crying. I'd be falling to pieces in front of everyone. I'd be, dare I say it, broken. And frankly, I couldn't do that anyone I knew.

Why won't I cry? I feel the tears inside my heart, but they just won't come. I involuntarily bottle them up, saving them for when I break down once and for all.

I can't admit so many things. I tried to commit suicide once. Obviously, it didn't work. I've thought about it, all the time.

'If I do it, it'll all end. There won't be anyone to judge you. You won't feel like this anymore.'

Then I think, 'Would anyone care? What about all the things I haven't done?'

I just...I need to be taken care of. I act independent, strong, brave. But all I want is someone to hold, someone to hold me back.

I feel so different, and not in the good way. I feel immature beyong hope. I feel broken. I feel like a freak. I feel stupid. I feel ugly. I feel fake. I feel like a failure. I feel like I want to DIE! I feel like a coward because I WON'T DO IT! I feel confused.

And there's my rant for the night.